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My Puzzle
I am a simple gal saved by the Grace of God through Jesus Christ. Copyright © 2005-2009 Melisa Zhang. All rights reserved.
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Monday, April 30, 2007
3rd post for today. I am stressed.should i let him go?I am broken heart. (supposed to) Today my friend told me that you know who now is close with few girls. I ask him to go online and confirm. He said yes, some more he also mentioned all d girls' name who r close with him rite now. Yah... a bit disappointed. But i dun have right to feel so. He is nobody for me. I am also nobody for him. Very sad. But cannot cry. What did he mean by his kindness to me until now? Make me confused. Should i continue walk on my path? Shouldl i leave you behind? I do really hope we can walk in d same path. But i think not for now. Let's see d future. Labels: oh love~ posted by Melisa at 7:17 PM| 
innocent until proven guiltyMaybe i need to stop talking for awhile. Back to my previous image lor, mysterious. Hehehe. but actually i need to stop talking about one topic only. My friend oledi complain about that. I also better not knowing too much. Later i cannot keep it and spread to other people accidentally. Know nothing is better. Hahah. I actually dun mind to tell my frd abt me, my feeling, my condition. It's not a secret. My devil side. hoho. but some of them maybe consider it as a secret, and they want to keep it as a... secret forever, is up to them. One thing i prefer is if someone tells me to do instrospection of my fault. better he/she tells me also what is my fault(s), when did i do that, to whom i did that. Make it CLEAR and don't talk in a planet language. So that easy for me to digest. Please make it simple and to the point.. I will simply accept it if i am really proven wrong or guilty. But if you cannot state what is my fault, then i still remain innocent. Haha.. I'm innocent until proven guilty. Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 4:07 PM|
insecureHe is there, i am here. Distance. Make me keep thinking about this relationship. Distance makes me difficult to keep my relationship close with him. It's easier for another girls around him to catch his eyes and also his heart. But, i cannot do many things. It's up to him. What he wants to do. I only can try my best to maintain our relationship. I do really worry if one day another girl will steal his heart. Why must there is a distance between us? I know i can learn to trust him. No, I trust God will take care of him for me if he is for me. Sometimes i feel like he likes me.. Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 11:04 AM|
Friday, April 27, 2007
Don't pity me!pity!I dun like if anyone look at me and pity me. I like being my self. Just now had my colleague came to my desk and chit chat with me. Then long time i never talk to him. I just listen what he said la. I felt weird and wondered why suddenly he came and chatted with me. Then finally i found out he talked to me just because he felt pity that NOBODY talked to me since his beloved one went to JI. I hate this. He doesnt need to talk with me just because he feels pity on me. But i appreciate his initiative. I know he just tries to be nice only. sometime that makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel sad. Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 1:54 PM|
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Each time i finished CG i feel very bad mood.tiringMaybe because it's already late nite and i'm really tired. Then what i want is i want to reach home as soon as possible. BUT! All of 'em walk very slowwwwww one and still busy chit chat nothing. I'm very angry. Then i walk fast myself to MRT. Then board to the first mrt i can board in. I leave them tonite. They all are very slow. I'm not patient enough to wait for them. Then tomolo i am LAZY to meet Ming & Ai. I dun want to settle this problem first. What i need to do is to cool down myself. Actually these days i am really lazy to do anything. If can i just want to QUIT from all of this. I am tired. I am tired with my life. I am tired with what i am doing now. I am tired doing what i dun want to do. WHY am i doing all of this? What is d purpose. I know i remember my vision. But sometime i also feel tired to run after my vision. Can i take a break for awhile? I'm always in a bad mood if i am tired. Tired... and bored. Labels: random posted by Melisa at 11:16 PM|
daily lifeYesterday i went to far east to eat @ Sakura thai restaurant. alone. Then i feel eat alone sometime nice oso. Usually i always tapao if have nobody accompany me eat. But yestd i'm lazy to tapao, so i eat there loh. Yesterday i went to Wheelock place to collect my phone that hang. The CS was very iritating because i use another brand for the MMC card. then keep saying this MMC is not compatible with the phone. Well maybe he was correct lah, I use 2Gb mmc. Yestd is very busy but today is so bored. Because nothing to do.. not as busy as yesterday. so i feel a bit bored. And the clock walk so slow. But i can use the time to search game for ice breaker. Hehee... Got 2 games to play later. ^_^ Then i oledi killing time by chit chat nonsense with my friends. Horray finnally only left one hour to go home. I miss my friends in Jakarta a lot. I want to hang out together with them again. Gossiping. Eat a lot, sleep a lot, watch movie a lot, shopping a lot. haha. later i find topic to write another post. Now dun have idea to write. Labels: random posted by Melisa at 4:33 PM|
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Today i buy a new pink (again) bed sheet. and yellow quilt cover. I buy in Aussino. They got discount 50% and 60%. Quite cheap. And nice compared to Ikea's.kiddy bedsheetbut when i want to pay the sales ask me whether i oledi have taken a look in 2nd floor shop. Then i said, i have taken a look there, but i didn't like the printing. Then she looked at me with a strange face. Because i buy the bed sheet for kids one. Very nice one. Later if i got my hp back, i'll post d picture. My hp is under service. hix. For few days i cannot take picture. So sad. Labels: shopping posted by Melisa at 11:04 PM|
Thursday, April 19, 2007
My HDD rest in peace. R. I. P. on April 19, 2007.hdd R.I.PToday is a bad day i ever had. My PC in office died. Not my pc actually. I just use it for 1 mth only. BUT! I store all d reports there. Then suddenly when i had my lunch today... my monitor showed me a nice blue screen. Then my colleague asked me to restart d pc. After i restarted d pc, it couldnt log in to windows. Then couldnt detect d harddisk. Oledi tried so many things, first we thought the cable loose or wat. then tried to tighten d cable. Then still cannot. 2nd maybe the cable spoilt. then tried to change cable. still no response. Then tried the secondary hdd. CAN! Tat means d primary one is totaly DEAD! Must say bye2 to d poor harddisk. Sayonara. Hix. Hix. It dies because of heart attactk! *_* Never informed before, nver gave warning to me. Y so suddenly. Y must after i finished all reports modification then die and bring all my reports go to hell. Huhuhuhu. Dear all readers, please mourn together with me. T_T But actually i'm not really that sad. Although i need to redo all again, i still feel optimistics that i can do it fast. Then another bad thing is.. This starhub internet. I dunno why these days the connection was not stable one. Always on/off. GrrrrRRrrrrr.... very angry! always show me d page "Host cannot accessible!" Haizzz.... But although today i have so many bad news. I still have a good news lah. At least... ehehehhe... Well, in the end of May, you know who, will come to Singapore. Tat means i can meet him soon, no need to wait until next year when i go back to Indo again. Then he said not only may, but in July he will come again. Well that's good. I hope this plan won't be changed anymore. Make it fixed one. Then i ask him to book and confirm the tickets soon. So that he cannot cancel this trip. Hehehe.. Ok. That's all i think for today. Labels: worklife posted by Melisa at 10:50 PM|
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Today my friend tells me something iritating.iritating.Hix. Her crush (still) pays her a visit every weekend. This what i can't have now. I only can chat with my crush by messenger. Or sometime can send sms oso. But can't meet him. Maybe once a yr lor then can meet. How to choose your life partner: Choose the one u can't live without than choose the one u can live with. Labels: random posted by Melisa at 10:45 PM|
Sunday, April 15, 2007
i do miss him so much.miss himnow i always thinking of going back to Jakarta. what will i do if i'm going back there. plan what to do there. telling my friends my plan IF i'm going back there. then they all will ask me "When will you come back here?" Then i'll answer "Not this year. Maybe 2 years later." Their respons "..." swt! Still 2 yrs and i oledi plan from now. Hahah. too excited. Labels: oh love~ posted by Melisa at 9:40 PM|
Saturday, April 14, 2007
leave me alone. i hate this life. i can't alwys get wat i want. i need to stand alone. i need time to be alone. dun wanna get involved with anything. to withdraw my self from the time. just dun want to be a "good girl" I want to be free. Do nothing. do anything i want. Just leave me alone. Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 10:18 PM|
o.O"Have you pay income tax?" Then i just realize, do i need to pay or not. Then i ask another colleagues n friends.. wew.. and until i ask my HR manager oso. She said better i ask to IRAS. Then i open the website and send sms to them. Their reply nver give me a YES/NO answer. Haiz. so i concluded my self that i haven't needed to pay this year. Maybe next year lor. last nite we went to settler cafe to release stress by playing games. BUT. The games we played made me think more. Sigh. We played: draculla king me poison. Quite nice. Labels: random posted by Melisa at 9:10 AM|
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Church camp is calling me. No. Church camp is shouting me.church campAnd i'm still sitting here waiting for nothing to motivate me to go. Not only one person persuaded me to go. So far, i have Ming2, Jorry, Sisi, Ai2, Delwin, Ufong, Andri, and Nia. Still cannot make me want to go. My reasons: *EXPENSIVE! *not interesting workshops (i imagine MORE). *no mood to go. *can imagine what will i do/feel if i go. *can take intermediate mandarin class with the same amount $$ actually i dun like to go becouse i feel lonely being there with them. around them i still feel lonely, some more i dun like to go far far away to HAVING FUN with THEM! How can i have fun with them if i can't enjoy moments being around them. I feel like nobody. They are busy with their own things. Maybe because i haven't found my 'CLOSE' friend here yet. I dun want to socialize with anyone for this moment. I dun have any desire, so what's d point for me to go? I feel no excitement for this church camp for this time. Usually i always excited to join this kind of camp. Ah, i'm counting days.... Still dunno wat to do. 5 days to go... Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 3:44 PM|
Monday, April 09, 2007
Perfectionism.mengejar kesempurnaan.Hidup mengejar kesempurnaan. Merenungkan sebaris kalimat itu... Hidup ini kalau mengejar kesempurnaan: * melakukan segala sesuatu sesuai kebenaran *taat pada peraturan *tidak melanggar tata tertib. *datang k kantor tepat waktu *tidak mengeluh *melakukan segala sesuatu sepenuh hati *tidak berbuat curang (nyontek, kkn, mencuri, dan sebangsanya) *tidak korupsi waktu ( setiap waktu dimanfaatkan dengan baik ) *mengucapkan kata-kata yang baik dan menyenangkan hati *memikirkan setiap kalimat yang akan diucapkan *berbuat baik kepada orang lain. *tidak berpikiran kotor *selalu positive thinking. *selalu memaafkan *sabar *tidak marah *tidak membanting pintu, membanting piring gelas dll (membanting diri?) *tidak MALAS *tidak sakit (alias menjaga kesehatan, olahraga) *perhatikan makanan (baca: gizi) *ga bolong sa-te *tidak menyumpahi orang lain *selalu bikin pe-er *dapet nilai 100 di setiap ulangan *taat pada orang tua (tidak membantah dan tidak kurang ajar) *tidak merasa kesal/ tidak senang *tidak menyimpan dendam *tidak membunuh (nyamuk?) *ramah (murah senyum, tapi tidak senyum melulu) *bijak, berhikmat, berpengetahuan Semuanya seimbang. kadang mengejar kesempurnaan membuat hidup kita sedikit menyerupai robot. semua sudah diprogram, tinggal dijalankan. sebenernya kita udah tau apa yang harus dilakukan, tinggal apakah kita mau melakukannya atau tidak. namun selalu melakukan yang SEHARUSNYA membuat hidup terasa sedikit bosan dan monoton. CAPEK. Musuh utama dalam mengejar kesempurnaan adalah KEMALASAN dan suka menunda sesuatu. Sering kali kita tau apa yg harus dilakukan, namun tidak melakukannya karena suatu kemalasan. Kesempurnaan, patutkah dikejar? Bolehkah hidup tidak mengejar kesempurnaan? Hidup ini sendiri tidaklah sempurna. Bolehkah tidak menuntut kesempurnaan dalam diri kita? Terlalu mengejar kesempurnaan membuat kita tidak akan pernah puas akan apa yang sudah kita capai. Selalu menginginkan yang lebih baik, mencapai yang lebih tinggi, yang lebih sempurna. Tidak mensyukuri apa yang kita capai, namun apabila kita terlalu cepat puas dengan apa yang telah kita capai, maka kita tidak akan pernah bisa mencapai kesempurnaan itu sendiri. Tidak ada yang sempurna (except Christ), jadi kalo mengejar kesempurnaan (except Christ) adalah mengejar sesuatu yang tidak ada. Labels: personal thoughts posted by Melisa at 6:34 PM|
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Today when i go through my email... i find an article about love.committed to loveActually i'm bored to write about love. But this article can make me write about love again once more. hehe... This article talks usually we (people) won't feel satisfied easily with what we have. For example: Belle, a girl who has found her prince in dream, Jo. She've already prayed about Jo and asked God whether Jo is her soulmate or not. First time she felt sure that Jo was her life partner. She also asked God's sign to sure her about Jo. The signs go for Jo. She felt Jo was good enough, quite handsome, clever, also love God. She felt that Jo was PERFECT for her. Then they went into relationship. Everything went well, UNTIL.... She finds Mark. Mark is a leader in her church. He loves God, gets involved in ministry, settle down in his career, smart, and mature. She feels Mark is better than Jo. She feels confused when Mark declares his love to her. She feels that she took a wrong decision to get into relationship with Jo. She starts to confuse herself and says that Jo is not the correct man for her. Jo is not her soulmate. Mark will do. She starts thinking to leave Jo and go for Mark. This scenario often happens in our life. We always see others people's garden more beautiful than ours. If she goes for Mark, later when she is in relationship with Mark, she will find another man that is better than Mark. Then the same scenario will happen again in her life. Never ending circle. Actually, if you've already decided to be committed with someone, just do it faithfully. There will come another men/women that are better than yours but so what? If you can accept the man/woman you are committed now, you will not search another one. You can just stick to one person. Outside will have so many person better than the person next to you, but you can't own all men/women. So no point for you to keep comparing yours to others. Just try to be happy with your life partner you have. The happiness you have in life is not given by other people but your decision will guide you to your happiness. To be happy is a decision. If you are not ready to go into relationship with one person, then don't go, later just hurt each other party. When i finished reading this article, i started thinking about my life. Did i do the same thing with this girl? posted by Melisa at 7:05 PM |
Monday, April 02, 2007
Indonesian 1st Servicea new stepBayview Hotel, Bencoolen Street. Last saturday was the first Indonesian Hope Service. Attended ard 60 ppl there. It was great. I saw so many new faces there... So excited! Then i feel happy we have the service every saturday. so sunday the wholeday i can rest or do wat i wanna do. HEhehee.... For this coming EASTER we will have special easter with Indo SErvice, but i still dun have any idea abt it. The news spreads slowly. So can't describe here. But for GOOD FRIDAY we have CROSSROAD outing. What we will do is we will comb the Orchard Road with team. Then every junction we need to make a decision. THis decision will lead us to the next junction. I'm not really sure abt the role, and the purpose, and what kind of game we are going to play on that day. Actually on WEd we will have Coffeebean Outing oso, but Ming2 asked me to go with my colleagues. This outing we will be divided into few groups. My colleagues n i will be one group. It's ok la. here few photos from Indonesian services. I grabbed from Ps. Jeff's blog. Indonesian bulletin  Praise & Worship time.. Ps Jeff's preaching Hope Indo Family Labels: events posted by Melisa at 11:56 AM|
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Few days ago i met my cousin and her baby, Joel.joelJoel is so cuteeeee...... See... so chubby.   Labels: random posted by Melisa at 4:08 PM|
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